I don’t know if it’s because my situation is less stressful or because of my medication, but I haven’t felt near as much completely uncontrollable and all consuming rage as I normally feel.
I’m much more generally balanced out and I like it but I also hate it. I know in particular the meds I’m on are normally used to treat bipolar disorder. I’m not bipolar, but it’s still evening out my moods and it makes everything easier but I also don’t totally feel like me unless I’m constantly anxious or angry all the time.
Another thing is that I feel like the meds are making a lot of my autism related stuff less visible somehow? Like, I’m not as anxious so I don’t stim as much unless it’s happy stimming, and I don’t feel uncontrollable rage at tiny things so that’s different and that’s something that I’m pretty sure is autism related.
It’s weird, and I feel less like me, but I also feel like there is more OF me, so I’m conflicted.
But it doesn’t matter because I run out of samples in three days and I don’t have the money to get my prescription filled and the neurologist won’t prescribe anything I can actually afford, and the county mental health clinic is booked up for another two months so I guess it was nice while it lasted, whatever it was.